Turning Pain into Power

The last few months have been tougher than usual for me.

My husband had a relatively serious health scare. He was recovering well from his first operation until, while visiting Bulgaria over New Year's, he ended up in A&E with complications.

It was terrifying—four hours in a taxi, stopping at four different hospitals, all while he was in agonising pain. Every possible outcome ran through my mind whilst I struggled to keep it together and get some help. 

Luckily, our taxi driver became our translator, bridging the gap when no one spoke English. We were incredibly fortunate to have his kindness and support. Finding a surgeon who could help felt like a miracle. Now, he's recovering well, and we’re hopeful we are passed the worst of it.

For a while it was scary, but it hasn’t all been doom and gloom. This experience forced me to slow down. I’ve leaned into my yoga practice, cooked at home together more, and danced in the kitchen most evenings—an underrated joy.

I didn’t think it was possible, but after nearly six years together, the bond between Marcus and me has grown even stronger.

Life will always bring unexpected challenges. But those dark moments allow us to truly appreciate the light.

The truth is, we don’t need much to be happy. Many of us realised that during lockdown—finding joy in small things like baking fresh bread or rearranging the spice cupboard.

What we do need is gratitude. It remains the single most powerful key to a joyful life.

When we come from a place of gratitude, we create more of what we want. When we focus on lack—when we slip into victim mode—we attract more lack.

If you’re struggling right now—whether it’s redundancy, burnout, heartbreak, or Winter blues or something else—you’re allowed to feel it. 

In fact, I urge you to feel all of it. Let the emotions out. Scream into a pillow, run with the intention of releasing anger, cry if you need to. Let it out.

Then, the next day, look your problems dead in the face and say: 

“F*** you. I’ve got this.”

Because here’s the thing: What are you saying to yourself in the quiet moments? Are you turning on yourself in self-loathing? Or are you taking your anger and frustration out on others?

Challenge is inevitable. But it's how we react to it that matters most.

To move through it, we must first turn inward—allowing the emotions to be felt. Then turn to gratitude, before taking action. This is how we avoid reaction.

The best framework I know for this is the Victim-Creator Model:

Victim Mindset – A reactive state where we feel powerless, blaming external circumstances and feeling stuck.

Creator Mindset – A proactive state where we take responsibility, see challenges as opportunities, and shape our reality through intentional action.

Shifting from Victim to Creator requires self-awareness, reframing limiting beliefs, and embracing the agency we all have within us.

Victims see problems; creators seek solutions. Victims notice what’s missing; creators acknowledge what they have and build on it. 

Victims “try”; creators do.

Now when things get tough, I allow myself one day to feel my emotions fully and do whatever I need to do to release them - whether that be crying into a pillow, ranting to my best-friend or journalling it all out.

Then, I shift into creator mode. Solutions. Action. Reminding myself that no problem is permanent.

But how do we harness this shift? How do we embody the resilience and strength required to step into our power? 

This is where our inner feminine archetypes come into play.

In ancient wisdom, each archetype represents a distinct stage of life. The Maiden embodies our youthful, exploratory years, full of innocence and discovery. The Wild Woman emerges in our teenage years, a time of passion, rebellion, and self-discovery. 

The Nurturer-Creator, often associated with motherhood, represents our ability to build, protect, and care for what we create. Finally, the Wise Woman or Crone symbolises the post-menopausal phase, carrying deep wisdom, introspection, and guidance.

You see, we all have all four feminine archetypes within us:

The Maiden – Embodies vitality, self-love, and sensuality, but in shadow, she may manipulate or play the victim due to unresolved shame.

The Wild Woman – Thrives in passion and intuition but, when suppressed by fear, can manifest as resentment and destruction.

The Nurturer-Creator – Channels love into all she creates but, when burdened by guilt, may fall into martyrdom.

The Wise Woman – Transforms pain into wisdom, offering guidance, yet when clouded by doubt, can become overly critical.

In difficult times, I channel my inner Wise Women, asking for her guidance and listening to her stable wisdom. Whether we’ve fully embraced her yet or not, she’s within us, ready to guide us when we need stability and strength.

So this is my invitation for you: 

Next time you experience any kind of struggle or hardship, tune into your inner crone, your inner wise women - she is inside you, ready to be your guiding light.